The Power of Words

Imagine you're a 3-year-old child. Curious like any other kid, you walk up to the trash can and try to put something from it in your mouth, fully intending to eat it. The moment you grab that half-eaten chocolate bar, your mother shouts "No! Don't eat that. That's disgusting!" You stop and, at the same time, understand what "disgusting" means.

For the rest of your life you never ate trash again, never tried to, and never got the stomach aches that would come from eating spoiled food from the bin. Your mother, through words alone, managed to transfer her understanding of disgust onto you. Her shout was a "punishment" that strongly suppressed the behavior of eating something from the trash.

Now, whenever you hear the word disgusting in relation to something, your reaction to that thing changes — you immediately become more cautious. Let's say you're looking at a beautiful flower in the garden when the word "disgusting" is thrown into the air. You immediately become more cautious, simply because of your history with that word.

Imagine someone tells you that you have disgusting hair. In that moment, all the properties of the word disgusting are transferred onto you — you feel "disgusting." Then, just like with the trash, there will be a tendency to pull away from the parts of yourself that are "disgusting." Maybe you start avoiding looking at your hair, washing it excessively, or hiding it under a hat when you're around other people.

Notice that nobody taught us or told us we should be cautious around flowers or that we should wash our hair excessively. Our mind pushes us to do it through the association with "disgusting."

From the innocent curiosity of a child, we can end up trapped in a life of caution — so don't believe everything your mind tells you!

Adapted from:
Hayes, L. L., & Ciarrochi, J. V. (2015). The thriving adolescent: Using acceptance and commitment therapy and positive psychology to help teens manage emotions, achieve goals, and build connection. New Harbinger Publications.